Mishaps

I have had a couple of mishaps recently.

Firstly, I was happily walking along Peter Road, when I decided I was a bit hot, and so unzipped my coat.  A girl walking towards me stared in horror, as if this was something out of the ordinary.  I smiled at her reassuringly, assuming she was worried I'd get cold, and walked on.  After a while I did feel a bit if a draft, so I looked down to zip my coat back up, only to discover that my top had ridden aaaall the way up and I had been walking with my bra on show and I wasn't even sucking my tummy in.  I am lucky I was not arrested.

Secondly, I was having a drink of water before leaving the house the other day, and I managed to spill it down my trousers.  I had to change, and was very nearly late.  Even though when we see a person with wet trousers we know they haven't really peed themselves, it is still not a good look.

Finally, today I was brushing my hair with my special de-tangling brush, when it hit a tangle.  Instead of de-tangling my hair as promised, the brush reacted like a cyclist driving full speed into a bin: it crashed into my tangle, flew out of my hand up into the air...and hit me on the head as it fell to the floor.

I am now in the market for a new hairbrush, as this one has sore offended me.

Reviews

Today I have decided to review some products.

1. Bobble

Bobble is a water bottle with a built-in filter.  Despite not needing to filter the water in the area in which I live, this bottle has coaxed me away from buying bottled water, and so will save me lots of money, making me rich.  The downside?  It leaked into my handbag and made my cling filmed biscuit soggy.  So I carry it in my hands now.

2.  Marks and Spencers cakes

This seems so obvious - markies is great so clearly their cakes are also super yummy.  But they are also lower in calories than Mr Kippling and tescos own.  So I felt the need to review them as very good.

3.  The new Bridget Jones' Diary book

Well, if she's killing off Colon Firth's character, what is the bloody point in life?  We should all just give up.

4.  Marks and Spencers cakes

Needed to cope with the stress of new Bridget Jones' diary book.

5. Bobble

Washes down all the cakes I have eaten to cope with aforementioned life ruinng book.

I may be a little distressed today.

For anyone who is thinking about a nose job...

Here is my blog on septorhinoplasty:

http://septorhinoplastyblog.blogspot.co.uk/

Will update it tomorrow, and every few days thereafter.

Hello blogger, I had forgotten about you

Some thoughts:

I think I am being outsmarted by my hamster, who, is not very smart.

I have messed up my sleep pattern and have started doing bedtime stomach crunches to try to burn off my mad hyperactive energy.

...This means I may have to stop eating freezepops.

Today:

Today I had a gloriously fun lunch for a close friends birthday, which was then contrasted with the tedious boredom of the library.  There is currently construction work going on in the library, and the workers have fenced off all of the books.  I think someone needs to explain the point of a library to them, as I do not go to the library for the uncomfortable seating and their butt cracks.  Nonetheless, I found a computer and did a bit of work.  I then realised I had forgotten to bring a pen with me.  I did not need to write any notes, but there was a girl asleep on a desk near me who clearly wanted me to draw on her face.  If I had had some tippex, I would even have separated her eyebrows for her.

Well, that was my day, and the full extent of my brainpower just now.

Goodnight.

Haven't written in a while

...so I decided to update.

I don't like games. The electronic ones, like super mario, candy crush, bingo etc. I just think the computer cheats, because I always lose even though I am actually quite a good gamer.

I want a good chess set, so I can play chess with people with a glass of wine. I really want replicas of the Lewis chessmen 'cause they're really fugly and cute, but I can't afford that. This is what savings accounts are for. On the bright side I have champagne and borolo, so at least I can drink some good wine.

Diet not happening because I like Mccoys crisps and cornettos at the moment. Wish I liked celery, but I think it is stringy and weird.

I have two guest blog entries coming up: one had to be on 'lad culture' so it is basically an angry Liz rant:

http://quiteirregular.wordpress.com/2013/05/01/lad-culture-loser-culture-elizabeth-rogers-on-the-lad-culture-report/

Would quite like to research this topic properly and do more with it. Hmm.

And the other will be on inspiration and creativity...but seeing as I am not inspirational or creative, I might try to alter this topic. Perhaps irritable and chaotic?

David Kirsch detox day one

Detox kit comprises:

Sachets full of powder. No food in sight. Hm.

First thing in the morning you have a grape flavoured detox sachet. This is fine. Grapey.

Then you have a vanilla milkshake.

Not fine.

I think I must have mixed it wrong, as reviewers say it is chalky and flavourless, but I found it was like drinking cake mix.

I didn't mix the super green blend in as the instructions say, as reviewers say not to do this. I am drinking it now mixed with water and the only way to describe it is that I am drinking green.

It's very green and tastes of green mixed with a hint of something sweet. Not sure 'berry' is accurate, Mr Kirsch.

At lunch you are supposed to have a salad with chicken or fish, sprinkled with lemon juice. Well I ate out today and it wasn't on the menu so I had soup and bread, meaning I've cheated already.

And I'm about to eat a creme egg.

To conclude, I don't think I'm very good at detoxing.

Poetry

I've been thinking a lot about the poems I like recently. I love T S Eliot, Spike Milligan, Ezra Pound, Margaret Atwood...

But I HATE a lot of other poetry.

My pet peeve is when these poets start banging on about the weather, and their feelings. Pathetic fallacy, yea yea yea we get it. But if you're living in the UK, and you get all emotional over a rain drop, how on earth can you cope?! If you lose it every time there's a rainbow, you aren't going to get very far.

Especially as I'm proposing a boycott of ALL THE WEATHER POEMS.

Let's end their reign of tyranny.