Shakespeare's Richard II

I don't usually blog stuff that I have put on facebook, but when I put my photos up I didn't know how to caption them, and I am concerned that my art is not coming across properly.

As we all know, there is nothing more fashionable than going to the theatre, looking chic.  I have directed you all towards many fabulous outfits, so I felt it was time to direct a play.

I decided to produce Richard II by William Shakes-pear, as I was recently inspired by the RSC's 2013 production starring David Tennant, which, frankly, reminded me of a bruised banana.

My cast of actors were cooperative, no lemons thankfully, and we aimed to create a very orange aesthetic because orange is the new black.

So, here it is: William Shakes-pear's Richard II

Richard was the king of England.  He got cross and banished Bolingbroke.  He also banished some other character, but we don't care about him because he never became Henry IV.

Bolingbroke, usually smug, became angry at being banished.  But because he was banished, he had to leave England, so he left angrily.

Bolingbroke's father, John of Gaunt, died shortly after his son was banished.  He looked gaunt.

The skull Hamlet talks to is not John of Gaunt's, just to clear that up.

The Duke of York sat on the fence as Bolingbroke returned to challenge Richard, while Richard faffed about in Ireland.

Richard's world was turned upside down as he realised the threat Bolingbroke posed.

Bolingbroke decided to became king, just to really piss Richard off, and also, because he liked crowns.  He got super smug as he realised he would become Henry IV.

The Queen was very upset as she realised Richard would be deposed, especially as it meant she would probably have to give her crown back, and she had crown hair which is not a good look (like hat hair but regal).

Richard III was raging because he did not get a part in this play.

The cast bow.  The director (moi) is too modest to enter the stage.

Exeunt.

Fashion faux pas...

I made a major fashion faux pas the other day, and, as a good hiflogger (high fashion blogger), I will 'fess up so that you can avoid making a similar mistake.

MATCHING SHOES.  Matching shoes are sooooo out right now.  In times of recession and financial trauma, it could not be more imperative to prove to the world that you own more than one pair of shoes.

Wear different shoes on each foot to achieve this look.  I chose black and gold, as I like the colours black and gold together.

I also recommend swapping left and right shoes halfway through the day/night, just so that people can see that you own the pair.  You don't want people thinking that you only own one gold shoe and one black shoe.

And that's how it's done.

Kiss kiss!

Six fabulous ways to wear a cape

Today our fashion lession is on capes, and the ways in which you can wear them.  My cape is pink and says 'zzzzoooooooommmm' on it.  I think the best way to wear a cape is as a superhero, because I think it cheers sad people up to see superheroes:

However, as they say, there is more than one way to swing a nun, and so I shall show you my favourite cape looks.

1.  The weird dress

This is not my favourite look because I do not look as though I am about to save the world.  I also think I look as though I am wearing a basketball vest that is too big for me.

2. The top

This style of top makes you look pregnant, so it is great for making unethical men leave you alone.

3.  The shawl

This is my favourite look, because even though I do not look as though I have murdered any villains, it does look quite classy, and I managed to arrange it so you can see the 'zzzzooooooommmm' across my back.

4. The sarong

Fab for wearing on the beach, this cape can create an elegant bikini cover up.  Naturally I am styling it with clothes, because I am not a flasher.

5. The hat

I told you, fashion means hats.  Always accessories your head.  Here I have gone for a cross between a turban and a flat cap look.  I get a lot of attention when I am rocking this look.

6. The pink ghost

Wooooooo!!!! Perfect for scaring badly-dressed children on Halloween.

Now, go forth, and try these looks out with your capes (I know you all own a cape, because none of my readers are fashion-redundant).  And remember:

There is no such thing as too much.

Kiss kiss!

Addressing some vicious rumours...

Now that I have returned from my annual holiday to St Bartes, I am saddened to say that I must address some vicious rumours that have been circulating.

I am talking, of course, about the rumours that I wear crocs.

Bitches be gossiping about me.

I most certainly do not wear crocs, and have not been so offended since 2011 where it was implied that I had been involved with a man who only had one eyebrow.  Or, actually, while we are at it, since 2012 where I was asked to be part of a 'nude calendar', one which I know for a fact sells at half price less than two months after its annual release.  If I were to partake in a 'nude calendar', it would not be a half price 'nude calendar'.  The sheer nerve of that suggestion.

This current slander and libel appears to have derived from the fact that in 2007 I owned a pair of crocs.  I would like to point out that in 2007 crocs were in fashion.  Much like Christmas jumpers, they had their fashion hayday, and I was happy to explore their fashion potential.  Interestingly, crocs only became unfashionable after I stopped wearing them, so read into that what you will.

I will have lots of amazing fashion tips for you to keep you chic in 2014 - for now, ta-ra, and remember:

Kiss kiss!