Updation

I have not written in ages, and a number* of people have requested that I do so.  So here it is.  I have not been on blogger because, basically, I am really busy and important.  There has been no time to create amazing Shakespear productions, or to begin my 'feet and conversations' project.  I have, however, decided to start up my own sexual product line.  I have been inspired by the films of Derek Jarman, and given that products such as 'Halls' soothers and 'Jakemans' lozenges are popular, I think there could definitely be a gap in the market for 'Jarmans Lube'.  And 'Jubilee Condoms' if time permits.  Obviously I will not be using these products myself, but, I sold clothes pegs when I was in school and I don't use those either, so this project is bound to be a total success.  Move over 'durex', you sound too similar to 'dulux' anyway.  

I think some brand names are just silly. I used to like 'jiff' because it sounded like something would get clean in a jiffy, but now it is called 'ciff' which sounds like an abbreviation for syphilis. And I really do not care for 'cillit bang' because this also sounds smutty.

I have, with persuasion from my friend Kay-Woo joined a baton twirling troupe.  This is really fun, but at the competitions I keep losing to the fourteen year olds.  These competitions are combining two of my least favourite things: youths and losing.  Ugh.  I have made a friend, and we don't like the other girls in our category which is good, but I don't know if I like her either because I suspect her of being a hippy (she had a 'hemp' badge on her bag; I saw it).  My troupe is clearly the best, but at the last competition none of us won a 'princess' award which is wrong and unjust. Obviously I couldn't win because I am too queenly, but the others are all definitely princess-chic.

I am struggling with stain removal just now.  I have a red wine stain on my karate gi that just won't shift. 

Oohh that reminds me, I am now amazing at ironing:

Shirts - just do the front bit and them wear a blazer so that nobody sees the rest

Skirts - buy ruffled ones that don't need ironing

Dresses - get them dry cleaned so that you don't need to iron them

Trousers - these are quite easy because you just go up and down, there are no wibbly bits

Other items - just make sure you don't get tangled in the iron's cord if you walk around the ironing board

I would like to end this blog post with a nice happy thought: don't look down on people unless you are helping them up. Or taller than them, up a ladder, etc.

*One is number.