Goldilocks and the three bears

Goldilocks had a spatial awareness problem. Who the hell has to try sitting on three chairs if significantly different sizes to realise which one fits their arse?

And who breaks into someone's house and sleeps in their bed?!

The more I think about it, the more I come to realise that this chick was batcrazy.

Gossip Girl

Not watched the final yet, but does anyone else think the character names are a wee bit rude?

Blair and Serena get called B and S...BS...yup.

Chuck Bass...Bass...tard.

That's actually all I've got.

Scamming

Have you been in an accident?

Were you not looking where you were going, and walked into a lamppost?

Did you slip and fall on a floor because you were wearing stupidly high heels?

Does a sore thumb lead you to take a year off work?

Do you want to sue that floor, and take down that lamppost?

Call any dodgy looking company who advertise on tv and use text speak (injury lawyers 4 u...seriously?) and ruin someone else's life by gaining money for a mild injury.

What office worker (with a badly cut fringe) needs a month off work for a damaged knee?

I just don't think it's right to sue for every accident and claim money for distress etc. I was in an accident and I was upset... Okay, £3000 will ease the pain and suffering.

This is the UK. The nhs will look after our pain and suffering for free. It is not like we have to pay to get our broken bones healed. And maybe I'm wrong, but when the people in these adverts say they've had a month off work for a broken hand (unless their work involves manual labour, i.e. builder, dentist...) I think it's skiving. I had to go to school with broken ribs, and they totally make breathing difficult. But then I am a trooper.

To conclude, go forth and don't sue people unless it's absolutely necessary. And find a lawyer who looks half f decent; for these adverts they seem to find the most dishonest looking people in existence; would you honestly trust that grey haired guy with the foot long gap between his eyebrows?

I didn't think so.

This has got me thinking about how I am a shallow person as I judge by appearance...physiognomy is still at large.

Back to Uni work I go.

Karma revisited

Dear Karma,

I'm beginning to lose my patience. Some people have wronged me in the past, and they are not suffering sufficiently. I do not think it is acceptable that they still have two eyebrows and have not sat on any whoopee cushions in their lectures.

This is just not good enough.

When people wrong me, I look to you, Karma, to ensure that they are punished. They should be falling into lion pits, losing all their hair, or finding that their toenails are growing at an uncontrollable pace. They should not be prancing about like Mary bloody Poppins as if they're not horrible human beings.

You've given me some good karma, I'll grant you that, but if you do not start dishing out the bad karma, you will be owed some bad karma for further annoying me.

You have been warned.

Tick-tock

I understand why the clocks must change, because if they didn't it would be dark and we'd all walk into each other because we wouldn't be able to see very well.

But I wish they'd make it easier to follow.

Tomorrow, or this evening (you see what I mean, it's already starting to get confusing) the clocks go backwards. This means that 7.45am will be called 6.45am, giving us an extra hour in bed.

In theory.

The issue here is that I don't know if my phone (which is also my alarm clock) changes time to fit in with the clock change automatically or not. Which means I will either stay up until 1am (when the change occurs) to see if my phone goes back an hour, and even then I'm still going to have to find a watch to make sure that I don't get my times all muddled up.

I wish the clocks would change when I don't have anything to do, so I could just sleep and not worry about it.

Just realised the tv will have the correct time, so I can always check that. Phew.

Facebook

Deactivated Facebook to get a bit of a break from social media, but now have found so many things I would write statuses about that I must update my blog.

Firstly, the vo5 shampoo adverts. Why am I watching girls with bad hair, singing badly? It does not make me want to purchase vo5 shampoo. It seems to be more of a warning than an advert.

Secondly, I have a concussion and am annoyed about this. Having forgotten I whacked my head on the sink yesterday morning, I saw my doctor today explaining that I'd randomly been crying, felt light headed and dizzy, was nauseous, had a headache and that my arms felt really, really weird. She did reflex tests on my arm in concern, and must have thought I was proper mental. She asked me if I had taken anything illegal...I must've looked like Will on the Inbetweeners. She then noticed a bumpy bruise on my head and asked me what I had done, and concluded that I had a concussion. I feel the same as I did last time I had a concussion, so am mega embarrassed for not realising that this was he problem.

Thirdly, I think we need to introduce specific times for the insanely fit people to use the gym, because they are irritating and smug. I think they need to be relegated to the lunchtime slot, when us sensible people are actually eating (something they don't do anyway so it's fine).

Fourthly, amazon need to get more books on kindle because I don't like waiting for my books to be delivered in the post.

That is all.

For now.

Anger management for Sally the Shepherdess

My name is Sally and I am angry. You would be angry if you were me.

Every time I introduce myself as a shepherd people laugh at me. They think I am joking, and that I must be 'messing' with them. Once they realise it's not a joke, they go on about how easy my job is, sitting in a field with sheep all day. Yeh, sitting in a field in the pouring rain all day while your dumbass sheep ruin you're life is really easy. Cleaning shit off my floor when the break into my house - HOW do they break into my house?! I don't know!!! The point is, they shit in it! And then last week I missed my hair appointment because they wouldn't move out of my driveway...I have roots and split ends, and people think my job is easy?! I look like a large version of Britney Spears! You know, when she stopped getting her hair done, but before she shaved her head.

And then there's that dog. Toby. Chases his tail instead of the sheep. I hate dogs. I like cats. I had a cat called Lady Tabitha Finkleston, but I think Toby ate her. Or she ran away. Either way, I clearly can't have a frickin' cat and am stuck with this dumb dog. Ugh. I get dumber just watching him. I thought he'd at least do tricks and bring me my slippers, but he ate them. I'm still waiting for him to pass my engagement ring...that dog has one slow digestive system.

I don't even know if I'll clean that ring before I give it back to salmonella Simon. He got me that stupid dog in the first place. I wish dogs could just be for Christmas, and not a fucking life sentence. Much like marriage to that two timing wazzock would've been. Can't believe he cheated on me with my own sheep. I hate my life. It is a comedy of errors.