Local fashion heroes - the man who invented felfies

As a Christmas special, I am going to introduce you to another local fashion hero, Stig.  Stig has been featured in several issues of Vogue, and is best known for his adherance to the water and watermelon diet.

In 1958, before he was even born, Stig coined the term 'felfie': the fashion selfie.  Only fashionable people can take felfies; a lot of you will only ever be capable of the more common selfie.  I take lots of felfies, as you have seen in my previous flog entries.

So, what can we learn from Stig's most recent felfie?  As expected, Christmas jumpers are so in right now, and can be expected to remain in fashion until mid January, at which point they will be replaced by rabbit ears.

Stig's jumper is accessorised with a Christmas tree which he has attached to his back, and a strategically positioned fireplace.  For this, Stig is awarded 10/10.

You can see Stig in the next Anchorman film:

In which he stars alongside my grandmother:

Stay classy, blog readers (unless you are reading this wearing polka dots, in which case there is no hope for you.)

Kiss kiss!

Make up chic

Yesterday I had the privilege of working with one of the world's top make up artists, Kelza Woo.  

Note how she is wearing a hat (clearly she has been reading my flog), and fab Chanel trousers and a chic top. Anyone who says she has just nicked her boyfriend's pijamas needs to read Vogue once in a while.

She came out with several classic gems of wisdom such as: 

'each eye is an individual and should be treated as such'

'why just backcomb your hair when you have eyebrows that also need volume?'.  

'I think that eyes are very lateral.'

I am sure I will hold onto these for the rest of my life.  

We decided to focus on an everyday look, suitable for work, or occasions where you aren't really supposed to wear make up.

One eye.

One eye.

Two eyes.

As you can see, I have two eyes, which is the perfect amount of eyes, and each eye has a different look; glitterati and tropical beach.  You will also notice that I look a different colour in each photo - this is because we experimented with different light effects to show you the full colour spectrum of this make up art, and not because we couldn't figure out how to use the camera properly.

To get this look, grab whatever eye shadows you have and shove it all on and hope for the best.  Then use eyeliner.

Kids - do try this at school.

My next make up look will be on how to minimise your nose.  Next up - the fabulous Stig and his 'felfies'.

Kiss kiss!

(I have dropped the oo oo ooo as people were not taking it seriously.)

Major new home furnishing trend!!!

So, there is a new curtain trend which, being very hip, I am the first to discover:

Curtains-that-are-too-short-and-show-the-blinds-underneath.  This is going to be huge in spring/summer 2014, so naturally I have put mine in place now.  As you can see, the shorter curtain length lends a nice 'petticoat' effect to the overall window/curtain aesthetic.  

To achieve this look, either buy curtains that are about a foot too short for your window, or just acquire a pair of scissors and hack off the bottom of your existing curtains.

Kisss kiss ooo ooo oooo

(No longer contagious)

P.S - dear unfashionable readers, no I did not measure my window incorrectly and buy the wrong size of curtains.  I sincerely hope you are happy not being able to see the bottom of your blinds, in your odd socks and crocs.

Local fashion heroes

I have decided that once a week, or month, or when I can be bothered, I shall do a fashion feature on local talent.

Today we have Saul, who kindly gave me permission to share one of his everyday looks:

As you can see, Saul has a good supply of hats, which as my previous entry tells you, is crucial to be able to disguise oneself adequately.  Saul also has a plastic basket, which I am sure he will lend you less-hatted individuals.

The parasol may seem unnecessary as the hat would keep the rain off Saul's excellent hair, but it is important to accessorise.  This is what Saul wears to go to the local library, to take out books on machine guns and farming.

The corset, although not doing much for Saul's lack of bosom, apparently made his ass look 'fine'.  This is a good thing.

Overall, I rate this look 9/10, because the pose looks a little more 'let's play hopscotch' than 'couture'.  Additionally, Saul clearly needs some of those glasses with the special shade flippy bits:

This looks totally normal, and Made in Chelsea's Spencer does not look at all like a bellend.

Oo ooo ooo

(Still contagious)

The art of disguise

So, I currently have mumps which means I am in a kind of quarantine for a few days.  I look like I have either gained a lot of weight or morphed into a hamster.

But never fear, I am always prepared, and here is a flog (fashion blog, please keep up with in-trend terminology) I made earlier.

How to go out and not be recognised:

I have been trying to think of subtle disguises, that famous people could use.  Obviously they always wear sunlglasses, and possibly also fake moustaches, but I think that they are missing something:

A hat.

Noone would recognise me if I went out like this, and it is the hat that ensures that nobody knows it's me.  The hat says 'Madeira' which adds confusion, as people see a girl in this hat and think 'oh, she is from Madeira.'  You could also use a hat that names a different location.

If you do not have a hat, and do not want to go hat shopping, I offer an alternative solution:

Basket.

Et voila.

Hope nobody else has mumps!

Oo oo oooo

(No kiss kiss as it spreads mumps)

Faux Fur Fab

In light of this horrible cold weather, my next fashion blog, or flog, will be on how to wear fake fur and look fabulous.  Or furrbulous, if you will.

Faux fur coat, faux fur hat - easy.  Cold ankles?  Use a faux fur scarf.  Need a handbag?  Use a monkey puppet.  I am also wearing sunglasses, as I do not want people recognising me and asking me for interviews or pictures when I am out.

Monkey puppet has room for purse AND keys.

Celebrities chew their sunglasses, as when you are famous, you are unable to eat proper food.

There is no such thing as too much.

Xoxo

Kiss kiss ooo ooo oooo

NEW BLOG!!!!

So, I am rubbish at updating this blog as I do not have time to write for it.

Solution: I am turning this into a fashion blog.  Following in the footsteps of celebrities, I am going to share pictures of me in clothes.

Not like famous celebrities who share pictures of themselves in the nude.  

I am also not releasing any videos as I do not know how, and also I think my voice sounds weird when it is recorded.

Who knows, this could last for a whole week.

Here is my first look:

Ok, so, this look is called sequin chic, or, chiquin.  Basically, you put on every sequined item you own, and then a hat.

If you do not own any sequin items, you will not be able to achieve this look.  But you can wear a hat.

If you do not own a single hat, you can just wear normal clothes, and no hat, and except us fashionistas to frown on you.

Xoxo

(That is what fashion bloggers say.  I know what x's are, but o's are an enigma to me. Maybe it is like 'kiss kiss ooo ooo ooooo')