Top Hat

My next couple of blog posts are going to make a return to fashion.  Partly because one of my fans requested this (he needs all the fashion advice he can get) and also because I keep seeing people wearing hats I don't like. I don't think anyone should wear a baseball cap in the gym, and I also do not think people should wear warm furry hats indoors with a vest top. It makes no sense and it must be stopped.

So: below you will see my famous sequined cap, appropriate for wearing in Benidorm, with a sequined blazer. This kind of hat is excellent because it is sparkly but also stops sun getting in your eyes. A hat like this comes with responsibility: never wear it with velvet (velvet is banned ok) and don't sit on it or you'll damage the sequins.  I may wear this for the solar eclipse tomorrow.

Now, I can't think of anything worse than wearing a hat with sequins and being in a poorly-lit area where noone is able to appreciate your blingnosity. This is why it is also important to have a light-up sequin hat:

There is no point wearing a hat without bling. As you can see from the picture below, no bling or lights means that you are basically walking about with some straw or other material on your head. The one I am wearing has some beads, but this is still not ok and should never be worn outside in public, unless you want to look distinctly average.  You may as well just be a pause because nobody will listen to you if you wear a boring hat.

'Old man' caps are generally only acceptable if you are an old man, play golf, or are a massive twat*, so if you are going down this road I recommend a blingy one.  The one I am wearing below has diamanté on it so that noone will ask me to play golf, but they will admire me from a safe distance.

There may be more to follow.

#theyseemetheyhating

*I've got two, but they cancel each other out so I am still awesome.